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  "Yeah, I got that."

  Alan seemed to want to make sure Tom understood what he meant. "I mean I've never been with a guy...at all."

  Tom shrugged and nodded. "No big deal," he said as he sipped his root beer.

  "That's okay with you?" Alan asked tentatively.

  "I said no big deal, didn't I? We'll take it slow. I won't push you into anything."

  "Well, that's just it. I'm not sure I want to do anything." Tom's first reaction was, Then why the fuck did you leave the message? But he didn't say anything.

  Alan, clearly uncomfortable, continued. "You see...I just found out I'm.... I'm..."

  "Queer?" Tom supplied.

  Alan looked at him, took a deep breath and said, "Yeah." Tom couldn't understand this. How could you not know you were a homo? He had known since he was a kid. He hadn't known what to call it then, but he knew he liked the way men looked. He'd had his first sexual experience when he was eight or nine with a guy his age that lived across the street. When he started jacking off it was with fantasies of his buddies or handsome male movie stars. Then the fantasies became realities. He had a couple of friends with whom he fooled around regularly. He'd even slept with the high school's wrestling coach and his algebra teacher. How could someone not know?

  But when Tom thought about it, he realized he'd never discussed it with anyone. He'd never taken the time to ask about---or had an interest in---his partner's lives. They were just bodies to get off with. There was nothing personal about it. Maybe not everyone's experience was the same as his.

  Not knowing what to say Tom remained silent.

  Finally Alan went on. "So, I guess if we could just get to know each other and talk about it. It's all so new to me."

  Tom wasn't at all sure what there was to talk about, but he didn't want to end this just yet. So he said, "Well, Alan, uh...tell me about yourself."

  "I'm an accountant. Went to college at Ball State. Twenty- seven. I live with my parents and their schnauzer, Dusty. I was in the Navy. Went to Vietnam."

  Up to that point Tom had only been trying to listen politely. This was different for him, attempting to be interested in someone for something other than just their body. But when Alan mentioned being in the service and Vietnam he took notice.

  "See any action?"

  "Not really. I was a supply officer on a combat support ship. I just ordered things for the guys on the ground. What about you?" Alan asked.

  "Well, actually I'm in school to avoid going into the Army." Tom waited for Alan to react. He didn't.

  "My dad thinks I'm a coward for not runnin' out and signin' up to give my life for the good ole U S of A," Tom said.

  "I don't think that makes you a coward," Alan said. "I enlisted in the Navy because I didn't want to be drafted. I found out before I signed that I would be using my accounting degree after basic training, not be in direct combat. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have signed. Might've gone back to school, too."

  "You could have gotten married and had kids. That keeps ya out, too," Tom said winking at Alan.

  Alan looked at him and half smiled. "I don't think that's very likely to happen now."

  They both laughed and the atmosphere between them began to relax.

  "Do you live at home?" Alan asked.

  "No, I have my own place. A dump really. But it keeps me away from the old man and his lectures."

  "Um...tell me about being...uh...liking men. If you don't mind me asking about that?" Alan said.

  "Nothing much to tell. I like guys. I like havin' sex with 'em." "When did you know?"

  Tom told the story of his coming to realize he was homosexual. Alan listened, seeming to hang on every word.

  "How do you find men to...be with? Do you mostly go to the park?"

  Tom smiled to himself. If there was one thing he knew how to do it was cruise. He could probably teach a course on it: Cruising 101.

  "Yeah, mostly there cuz I don't have a car and I live pretty close."

  "I thought you said your car was in the shop?" Tom blushed and shrugged. "I lied."

  "Why?"

  "I don't know. I guess I didn't want you to think I was...poor or something. You know, lookin' to hit you up for money."

  "Thanks for the honesty," Alan said with a smile that made Tom glad he had come clean. It made Tom feel good that Alan was not judging him.

  Tom continued his lecture on the art of the cruise. "Sometimes I take the bus and go to Mapleland Mall."

  "The mall?" Alan asked, clearly surprised that you could find men to have sex with at such a public place.

  "Sure. There's this bathroom down at the end of a long hall. You go down there and wait around. Usually isn't too long before someone comes in that's interested."

  "And you do it right there?" Alan sounded incredulous. Tom nodded. "The way the bathroom's set up it's almost like it was made for cruisin'. If you're in a stall with a guy, the mirror over the sink shows you the door so you know if someone's comin' in. The door squeaks, too, so if you're busy and not lookin' at the mirror you get a warnin'. But usually if someone's comin' in they're interested in the same thing you are.

  If you have a car you can head for the interstate rest stop near exit 162. Lots of action there. Truckers mostly. They got these rigs with sleepin' quarters. Real handy for a quick fuck or spending the night. When I lived at home I'd borrow my dad's car sometimes and go there. Didn't usually sleep over. The old man would have a fit if I didn't have the car home by midnight. I did sleep over a couple a times and he nearly had a coronary."

  Alan looked almost dumbfounded. "How do you people know about these places? I've lived here most all my life and I never knew stuff like this went on."

  "Oh, word gets around. One guy tells another. It just gets known where the action is."

  Alan looked down as if avoiding Tom's eyes. "If we were to do something...what would we do?"

  Tom decided to take the bull by the horns. He wanted to have sex with this guy. All this talk was getting them nowhere. But Alan was too fucking handsome for Tom to blow off. Despite the fact that this was one of the most bizarre pick-ups he'd ever had, there was something about the man's innocence and trusting nature that made something stir inside.

  Tom reached out, put his hand on the back of Alan's neck and said softly, "I'd much rather show you than tell you."

  Tom saw fear mingled with desire when their eyes met. "I don't know...I..." Alan stammered.

  "Look. I told you before we'd go slow. I wouldn't ask you to do anything you weren't comfortable with. What do ya say? Come over to my place. It's a mess, but it's private and we can see what happens."

  Alan took a deep breath. He still looked skeptical.

  "Come on...you can trust me." And for the first time Tom believed what he was saying. He wasn't giving this guy a line just to get him in bed. He was being more sincere than he could ever remember.

  A tentative smile told Tom he had gotten through. "Okay, I guess this is the only way to find out for sure," Alan said and started the car. "Where to?"

  * * * *

  "I told you it was a dump," Tom said as they walked into his apartment. "It's not much, but to me it's home."

  There was a pile of dirty laundry on the floor. Tom quickly went into the room ahead of Alan and picked up the dirty clothes, depositing them in the corner of the room. Tom was glad he had at least pulled the covers up on the bed, stacked the TV trays he used for a table and put the weights away.

  Alan looked around and said, "It's fine. Don't worry." "Okay, Alan. You sit yourself down here." Tom indicated the bed. "And we'll see where the mood takes us." Alan nodded mutely and did as he was told.

  "You just let me take care of everything," Tom added. As Alan sat and watched, Tom began a slow strip. He stood with his legs spread and peeled his tight, black muscle tee over his head. Alan shuddered perceptibly as Tom ran his hands over his rippled abs then squeezed his pecs and pinched his nipples. He kicked off his sneakers and unzipped his fly
, pushing his jeans down on his hips just far enough so his dense black pubic hair was revealed. Tom reached down and ran his fingers through the thick bush.

  Alan was staring with his mouth open.

  After a time Tom pushed the pants to the floor and stepped out of them. His fully erect cock stood at attention. Then he turned slowly around to let Alan get a good look at him from all sides. Turning back to Alan, Tom pulled him to his feet. He took Alan's hands and ran them over his chest. Alan let out a gasp.

  "Go on," Tom encouraged, moving Alan's hands around his body. "Touch me wherever you want."

  Tom dropped his hands to his sides. Alan was breathing deeply. His hands traveled over Tom's torso, down his arms, around his back. Tom could feel Alan's hands tremble as he slid them over Tom's smooth, muscular body to lightly brush his ass.

  "It's okay, go ahead, squeeze," Tom said. Alan did so, over and over.

  After a few minutes Tom stepped back. "Your turn."

  Tom started to pull Alan's shirt up. He stopped and Alan took over, pulling the shirt over his head and letting it fall to the floor. Tom stepped forward and massaged the firm chest and shoulders, lightly caressing Alan's flat stomach. Then he undid Alan's pants and pushed them to the ground. Tom could see Alan's cock straining against the fabric of his white briefs. Hooking his thumbs in the waistband, Tom freed the beast and Alan's dick stood rigid, pointing toward the ceiling, pearls of pre- cum forming on the engorged head. Alan shuddered as Tom took the organ in one hand while cupping the man's balls with the other.

  While Tom was concentrating on arousing Alan as he introduced him to the world of man-to-man sex, he found his response to Alan's body to be more intense than he had experienced in a long time.

  Looking into Alan's face, Tom smiled. "Like this?"

  Alan closed his eyes, nodded and let out a soft whimper. Tom helped Alan kick off his shoes and step out of his pants. He then took both of their cocks in his hands and stroked them together. Alan gasped and Tom thought the man's knees would buckle. Tom pushed him gently back onto the bed and stretched out on top of him. Alan wrapped his arms and legs around Tom as Tom began a slow rhythmic undulation. Their hard cocks---trapped between them---rubbed against one another.

  "Oh, God," Alan gasped.

  Tom increased the force of his thrusts and Alan arched to meet them. In only a few minutes Alan groaned and Tom could feel his jizz squirt between their bodies. He continued to pump and soon after, he too climaxed, adding his cum to the mix.

  Tom lay on top of Alan and could feel his heart pounding against him. A few minutes later Tom rolled to one side and the two men lay facing each other. Smiling, Tom reached out and stroked the side of Alan's face. Exhibiting this manner of tender behavior toward a sex partner was something Tom hadn't done in a long while. Yet it felt good, right to him at that moment.

  "That was wonderful," Alan said as he leaned forward. Tom knew Alan was going to try to kiss him. For a brief second Tom thought he would let him, thought he actually wanted to kiss Alan, and then he caught himself. Tom turned his face away and Alan kissed the base of his neck.

  Feeling the danger had passed; Tom turned back to Alan, wrapped him in his arms and pulled him close. Alan nestled his head against Tom's chest. They lay this way for about fifteen minutes. Tom was actually enjoying the feeling of closeness. He could feel Alan's still hard cock pressing against him.

  Tom nuzzled the top of Alan's head. "There's more if you're up to it," he said, sliding his hands down Alan's back and massaging his butt.

  "Whatever you want," Alan said, looking up into Tom's face. Tom could see the trust in his eyes.

  "Roll over on your back," Tom instructed. "Scooch up and lean against the headboard."

  Alan did as he was told. Tom got up, spread Alan's legs and knelt between them. Smiling at his partner, he lowered his head and bit Alan's erect nipples, then sucked them each in turn. Alan arched up toward him making soft moaning sounds that let Tom know he was enjoying what was being done to him. Slowly moving down Alan's torso, licking and sucking, Tom reached the tangled triangle of blond hair at the base of Alan's cock. He buried his face in it. Alan reached out, took Tom's head in his hands and pressed him deeper into the lush bush.

  Tom rose up and brought Alan's cock to his lips, slowly stroking it so the head slipped in and out of the foreskin. Looking up, Tom saw that Alan's head was back against the wall, eyes closed, tongue running over his lips, trembling in anticipation. Tom smiled, then unhurriedly slid Alan into his mouth, licking the tender underside of the pulsating organ as he did so. Once at the root, Tom made his way back up, tracing the veins until he tongued the pee slit. Then he descended once more.

  Over and over Tom made the trip from summit to base, each time increasing the pressure, each circuit accomplished more quickly than the last. Alan's legs flexed and relaxed as his breathing became shallower and more irregular.

  "Tom, I'm gonna..." But that was as far as he got. With a groan from Alan, Tom's mouth was flooded with Alan's salt- sweet cum.

  When the ejaculations subsided, Tom continued to lick Alan's dick as it softened in his mouth. Tom got up on his knees and began to jack off, smiling down at the man whose jizz he had just swallowed. Alan's eyes were focused on Tom's tool as he wanked.

  The strokes became more intense. Tom threw his head back and growled as he spunked on Alan's chest, abs, and the dribbles finally landing on his cock. Tom sat back on his haunches and, smiling, rubbed the slippery mess all over Alan's body.

  Alan opened his eyes and looked up at Tom. Something in those eyes made Tom uncomfortable. He knew that look. Alan was showing more than sexual satisfaction. He was showing an emotional response to what they had shared.

  "Let's get cleaned up," Tom said, breaking the spell. He got up, pulled Alan to his feet and led him to the bathroom. Tom thought of showering together but shied away from the idea. They washed at the sink.

  Back in the other room, Tom looked at the clock. "Ah," he said, coming up with an excuse to end the evening, "I got studying to do so..."

  Alan nodded. "Yeah, I should get going. I have work in the morning."

  They dressed in silence.

  As Alan reached the door he turned to Tom. "Can I see you again?"

  "Um...yeah, sure," Tom said, trying to make his voice sound more casual than he was feeling.

  "How will I get in touch with you? Do you have a phone?" Tom ignored the question. "We can meet at the park, or you can come here." Tom wasn't sure he was hearing himself correctly. Was he inviting this guy for a second round?

  "When?"

  "Uh...let's see," Tom said, his confusion over what he was feeling making it hard for him to think. "I work tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday..."

  "Friday then?"

  "Yeah, sure, Friday." "Want to go out to eat?"

  "Are you askin' me out on a date?" Tom asked, surprised he wasn't feeling completely turned off. This wasn't his scene.

  Alan smiled his beautiful smile. "Well, I hadn't thought of it that way, but yeah...I guess I am."

  Something in Alan's smile made Tom warm toward the idea. He chuckled and shrugged. "Okay, sure, why not?"

  "See you Friday then. I'll pick you up about seven." Alan faced the door again, then turned back. "We can come back here after...?"

  Tom laughed. "Yeah, baby, we'll come back here after for sure." He walked across to Alan and gave him a hug.

  Alan hugged him back and then left.

  Tom closed the door and looked at his reflection in the mirror on the back of it, the same mirror he had checked himself in earlier in the day when his only intention was getting some no strings attached action. Are you sure you know what you're doin'? he asked himself.

  "No," he answered aloud.

  Tom was breaking all his own rules. It scared him. But at the same time it also felt good.

  Chapter 6: Vacillation

  Alan was whistling as he came into the kitchen. Dusty, who had been sitting patiently at Geor
ge's side hoping for a surreptitiously dropped tidbit of food, trotted over to him, his stump of a tail wagging vigorously.

  "Good morning," Alan said, squatting to give the dog a pat. "Well, well, someone's in a real good mood this morning," his dad said. "What happened? You get lucky last night?" "George Daniels! How you talk!" Alan's mother said sternly, turning from the stove and walking to the table with a skillet of freshly scrambled eggs. "You know Alan isn't that kind of boy. We raised him better. Alan, dear, sit down and eat these while they're hot."

  "Martha," his dad retorted. "Alan isn't a boy anymore. He's a man. And getting some---"

  "George!" she said with a warning tone. Then addressing Alan she added, "You do sound like you are in a good mood this morning, dear. Anything special you'd like to tell us about?" She dished Alan's breakfast onto a plate and sat down at the table after returning the skillet to the stove.

  Alan sat down and Dusty took up his post next to George's chair. Alan sure as hell knew he wasn't going to tell them what had really happened last night. But his feeling of elation at the prospects of what might lie ahead made him want to share something.

  "I did meet someone," he started and then immediately wished he hadn't as his mother looked up, smiling radiantly.

  "Did you hear that, George? Didn't I tell you last night I had a feeling Alan was doing something special? Oh, tell us all about her. Where did you meet? What's her name? When can we meet her?"

  "Down girl! For God's sake, woman, you've got the wedding planned and Alan's just met this person. For all you know it might be a guy." His dad winked at Alan and put a forkful of eggs in his mouth while at the same time slipping Dusty a crumb of bacon.

  "Don't be ridiculous. You don't glow like that if you meet a boy. It's a girl. A mother can tell."

  Alan's mood began to wane. The wonder of last night had eclipsed all sense of what his being involved with a man would mean to his parents, his life. He looked across the table at them. Both were looking in his direction. Even his dad seemed to be waiting for further details.